


What We Deserve

by TeamGwenee



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Modern AU, Modern Post Canon AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:01:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23936509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamGwenee/pseuds/TeamGwenee
Summary: Brienne leaves the North shortly after Jaime does, and considers what she deserves.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth, Tormund Giantsbane/Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 19
Kudos: 91





	What We Deserve

**Author's Note:**

> Just a brief ficlet I stayed up at midnight to write. Whoops.

She was still working for the Starks when it happened.

They had all been holding their breath, waiting for it.

Jaime was a Lannister. He had once loved the most beautiful woman in the Seven Kingdoms. And for that love he had done awful things. And Brienne, they were exceedingly fond of Brienne, but she was hardly a maiden in a song, a beauty inspiring lost travellers down the path of redemption. 

_He didn’t need her to redeem him. He needed to give himself a chance. A chance he refused himself._

She heard them, her friends, all say she should have expected as much. She reached too high.

Should have gone with Tormund, he adored her, worshipped her. Loved the fact she was big and muscled and could beat him in a fight.

Her friends. Those who claimed to love and understand.

To want what’s best for her.

They saw her shy away from Tormund and they thought they understood.

“You’re a wonderful person, Brienne. Kind and clever and generous. Never mind what those wretched boys used to say. And gorgeous in your own way. You deserve love.”

  
  


But only on the terms they saw fit. Only with a man like Tormund.

He ate meat with his hands and spoke with his mouth full. 

“Give him a chance. He deserves a chance.”

In a way they were validated. Jaime was never for her.

_She needed to be put in her place. It was almost justice._

She came to work for the Starks after she quit her work with Renly.

Another friend who cared for her, used her for the grunt work and mocked her behind her back.

Didn’t understand why she was so hurt when she left. It was just his way. In hindsight, she was better off. There was an honesty to Renly’s behaviour. He never deceived himself at least.

She took one look at Sansa’s and Jon’s and all their faces and decided to go South again.

She saw it in her eyes. They thought she was following Jaime. They thought her a bit; just a bit, pathetic.

What would have been pathetic would be staying behind. Accepting Tormund. Accepting their form of friendship. Accepting love on their terms.

She was still fond of them, but when the phone calls became shorter and four years of friendship became holiday emails, she was a little relieved. And a little sad. She couldn’t deny her loneliness

That’s why she accepted Tyrion’s invite to meet up, in the end. 

The younger Lannister brother could be kind and caustic in terms, and there were times Brienne wanted nothing more than to throttle him. 

Seeing Jaime waiting inside the restaurant, his handsome face turning pale, was one of those times. 

She almost fled. But if nothing else, they had been friends once. Her best friend. 

He stood up in that curiously courteous way of his-

_She had never seen him do that for anyone else_

-and breathed her name.

“Brienne.”

How did the way he say her name still manage to make her stomach flip?

He was waiting for her to say something. To see if she was happy for him to be there. If she was going to scream at him for leaving. If she would just turn and go.

Her throat was dry, but she offered a tight smile.

The next thing she knew she was in his arms and the months had faded and his arms were gripping tighter and he was stroking her hair and whispering “it’s ok, it’s ok,” because of course she had started crying, blubbering like a mess in the middle of the restaurant.

“I see you’ve managed to escape the North at last,” he notes once she’s calmed down and they were sitting, Tyrion watching the pair like they were his own personal soap opera.

Brienne gave a watery chuckle. Escape was more apt than she was willing to admit.

“When did you get back from Pentos?” Brienne asked.

Jaime looked at his hands.

“Two weeks after arriving,” he admitted. “Cersei and I, we tried four days of domesticity. It was the final blow. We realised that actually, we didn’t really like each other all that much. All these years we thought we were tragic lovers, kept apart by fate, and it turns out it was only being forbidden that kept us going as long as it did.”

“Oh,” Brienne said. And yet she envied those two weeks.

“I was too ashamed to ring you,” Jaime said. “And too messed up. I’ve been getting help, seeing someone. A psychiatrist. Davos, he said he thought I was ready to ring you up, so I’ve spent the last five days hovering at my phone.”

“What were you expecting me to say when you rang?” Brienne asked stiffly.

“Something along the lines of fuck you, and I wished I left you for the bear?” Jaime said, smiling weakly. “I didn’t expect you to give it another go, or even for you to forgive me. But I know I hurt you and you were-owed-an apology. And an explanation.” He took a deep breath, as though preparing to break into a practised speech. “I spiralled. You and me, we were everything I thought I couldn’t have. Davos helped me see that growing up with Father and clinging to Cersei like I did, doing all that stuff for her, drummed it into my head that I didn’t deserve the love you were offering. Love that wasn’t in return for favours or service, love built on true friendship and trust. And I fled. I thought I was only good enough for what they offered me, and that what we had couldn’t last.” His hand was closed into a fist, knuckles straining white. “I wished I had done it differently. Taken time, gotten help. After a lot of our sessions, I was left feeling pretty raw, I wanted nothing more than to find you. I know I shouldn’t, not after what I did. And whatever drove me to it, leaving you that way, hurting you like that, it was beyond forgiveness.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Brienne said softly. Jaime’s blinked, a painful tinge of hope leaking into his eyes. “Do you regret...regret me and you?”

“I regret how it happened,” Jaime said, “Because if I hadn’t rushed, I know we would be sitting here now, obnoxiously happy.”

This was Jaime her friend. The Jaime she knew. The Jaime she trusted. 

“Is that still something you want?” Brienne asked.

Jaime looked down, and looked up, his face set. “It is,” he confirmed. “If you are willing to give it another go, I would like that very much.”

It was hard for him to say, Brienne saw. Frightening. But he was giving himself a chance. A real chance for happiness.

Brienne took a breath and gave herself a chance also.


End file.
